FARZANA 2

"Good morning, Farzana," Lt says. Instinct says don't correct her, there's a reason.
"Good morning, ma'am."
"You know Farzana, you and me, we gotta talk. See it happens lotta times. When one faces a real bad horror, one pulls back, often imagine you are someone else. So tell me, who is Fern?"
"Fern is me, ma'am."
"Right, tell me about Fern."
"Ma'am, she lives in western Canada. Family bunch of drunks. Fern froze to death, car stuck in the snow."
Lt looks at me oddly, "lemme guess. Christmas Eve, big farmhouse, whole crowd of drunks. Fern got sick, appendicitis, so the grandfather had to drive, but he was too drunk. Happened in a green Ford, both of them dead."
"Ma'am how did you know all that?"
Gently ruffles my hair, "child, it was an old movie."
"They made a movie off me, ma'am?"
"No child, you saw the movie sometime. Now you see, when things were real bad and you wanted to be someone else, you just imagined you were Fern in the movie."
"But ma'am, I remember it all, the feeling of dying, how peaceful it was."
"Tell me child, this Fern. She's Canadian, would know English only. So how is it you're talking Dari?"
Good question.
"Now look in the mirror again. Wasn't the girl in the movie white? No one on earth would believe you are white."
Another good point.
So I switch to English, "but ma'am, listen to me a bit..... Isn't that a Canadian accent?"
She laughs, switches to English, "all that proves, you heard English sometime before age six, can mimic the sounds perfectly. Now I'm guessing Farzana, the English comes from an aid worker who lodged with your family."
"You don't believe me, ma'am?"
Gentle smile, "I'm not calling you a liar, can see you mean what you say. So just think for a minute. Danger is over. No need to run and hide, be imaginary people. You're safe. Within a few days, you'll be in school, make friends. You'll eat well. No one here wants to hurt you. So just forget all this and get on with being you."
"So who am I, ma'am?"
"You are Farzana Malali, nomadic tribe in the Wakhan Corridor. Rest, we'll talk tomorrow."

"So Farzana, let's talk about dreams, ever get real bad nightmares?"
"Lots, ma'am."
"Everything under the sun or one thing repeated again and again?"
"Ma'am, one main dream."
"Lemme guess. In it, you are so far up, it hurts to breathe. Cold, lotta snow. War on, lotta dead bodies lying about."
"Uh yes ma'am, that's the one."
"Wanna talk about the dream?"
"No ma'am, too horrible."
"I see, well you know Farzana, we got other people here in the school troubled by the same dream."
"You do, ma'am?"
"We give them their own separate barrack. See that way, they're among friends. See lotsa people maybe don't understand what you had to do. In the dream I mean."
It's starting to dawn on me. "Are you saying ma'am, dream is real and real is dream?"
"The All-Powerful commands us to make every effort to stay alive. You did. I'm proud of you."
"Just a minute, ma'am. Are you saying I'm a real ah well ah a real ah cannibal?"
"Child, we don't like to use that word. Survivor sounds so much better."
I ponder that, "ma'am, one other thing. Maybe God didn't wanna waste. So Fern's mind is ok, the body gone. Farzana, body ok, but she's long since left it. So maybe Fern landed in Farzana's body."
She looks at me with that kind look grownups have when they've decided you're nuts, "if that
is what it takes to go on living with the horror, then believe it. But still Fern, you have now become Farzana. No going back, Fern's body is dead."
I shrug, good an answer as any.
"Come Farzana, I'll get you a proper uniform. Then we'll go, meet some friends."
We walk to Barrack 14. Lt introduces me to the Barrack Leader, Arifa. I see mocking looks, these are tough looking girls and it's like they're calling me "wimp."
Lt clears her throat, "just so y'all know. Farzana comes from the far end of the Corridor, right up near the China border."
Instant change of expression, it's like hero-worship.
Arifa says, "Arezou, front and centre." A girl steps shyly forward. "You're unattached. She's all yours. Doesn't get outa your sight for one minute. Eat together. Beds side-by-side. Shower together. Go to the can together, but not same cubicle."
Arifa turns to me, "your first job is stay alive. Nothing else matters. None of these courses are gonna help if you're dead. So stick with Arezou. Got it?"
"Yes ma'am."
"Call me Arifa."
"Yes Arifa."
Arezou takes my hand, "come Farzana, I'll show you the workbooks."
After a bit she grins, "all that chipping up bodies didn't get in the way of your reading."
How bout that? Would the real Fern read Dari? Unlikely.
A neighbor girl says, "nuff work, chow, safety in numbers."
I ask uneasily, "these kids all know?"
"Course they do. Pee their pants in fear, if we get within ten feet of them."
As we walk I see the looks on other girls. Same as people used to look at that tough Johnny O'Rourke and his crowd back home.
An enormous food server grins awkwardly, "chill, meatless dish today, don't do anything drastic."
I sense she's trying to be friendly not cruel. I show my teeth, "nice arm you got."
She winks.