Lucky 5

Prof smiles gently,"now Jasmattie, don't shoot the messenger. Hear me out before you blaze away with both barrels. See it's like baseball. When you're a hot hitter, you can bash anything outa the park. Get in a slump and the whole world is on your back. Team manager, fans, media, your own ego. So what would it take to turn things around?"
"Smoking one clean out to the parking lot would be a good start, get some confidence back."
"Bingo, you are on a hot streak. Homa, cold as the North Pole in January. What would it take for her?"
"If she could land a good drug story, she'd be back. Get published, get royalties, could be promoted to Captain."
"Now Jasmattie what would you say if I told you I was sending her to circa 2100 Amsterdam?"
"We-ell, if she gets back alive, be a million seller and then some."
"Only one way she comes back alive, two person mission."
"Not on your life, I work alone period."
"Look there is no way I would authorize a lone mission like that. Suicide. If no one helps her out, she is doomed to continuing failure."
"So why would I waste my one last precious mission on babysitting? I want mega, go out in style."
"You will. 'Horny in Hastings' was your one and only mega-hit. And of course Amsterdam has that same 3 to 2 ratio. I can just hear those cash registers playing a happy tune."
I don't reply, but I am starting to weaken.
"All I ask is 2 weeks, easy trip, both of you will profit hugetime."
"Did you stop to consider she may not want me?"
Thin smile, "miles ahead of you Jasmattie. Asked. You're the only one she'll accept."
"Ok, don't beat up on my anymore, I'll do it."

As Homa and I pore over research materials, I am amazed at the change that has come over her. No more of that hang-dog, nobody-loves-me, everybody-hates-me, I'm-gonna-eat-some-worms look. My luck is legendary; just maybe she gets to ride to glory on my coattails.
She is confident, friendly, things are far better between us. Both of us are looking forward to that magic fastball.
She asks, "what are the real differences between Amsterdam and your Brit gig?"
"First, beer and pot in Britain, little else, everyone on the dole. Amsterdam, lot more money, hard liquor, hard drugs. Second, population density. Brits have a longish coastline to spread all the silliness out. Less crowded means less fighting. Dutch are living on top of each other. Lotta 40-hour-a-week workers are homeless."
"Do you see it as a dangerous gig?"
"Yes and no. Drink, do drugs or chase men and the answer is bigtime yes. Just do your job, fade into the background and no, not really."
"What about the girl gangs?"
"In Britain, a gang is a dozen girls, aim to pick off 2 homos. Amsterdam, gang is 1,000. But they aren't out to terrorize you. They hunt after groups of a hundred or two homos."
"Don't the police have something to say bout this?"
"Matter of civil rights. Critical question is who does the actual choosing. If the guys all get a free choice, cops view it as harmless fun, just courtship games for young people. But if the girls go in and choose, then it's like quasi-kidnapping."
"So why not just switch to lesbianism?"
"No such thing as right or wrong in taste. Chocolate or vanilla ice cream? Western movie or romance? German or Japanese car?"
"Gotcha. They could and probably do, indulge in some lesbianism. But this is more about status, who gets chosen. About thrills and excitement and filling up free time."
"I remember Angela telling me bout homo hunting. Fun even if you don't get chosen."
"These gay guys, where do they gather in such numbers?"
"From what I have read, they prefer things like industrial parking lots, not visible from the road. Party from Friday evening to Sunday afternoon. And of course the girl gangs have spies out, trying to figure out where."
"What is to stop a guy from playing along for the weekend, then dumping her?"
"Huge labor shortage in Holland. 99% of jobs give you a free cellphone as a perk. Once a girl takes possession, she watches her property very carefully. If he doesn't answer that cell by the second ring, even at work, there's big trouble."
"How do campsites work?"
"Lotsa plumbing facilities, no squalor. Wireless access for free. Postal delivery, police, clinics. Divided into stag girls area and couples area. No such thing as a guy alone, not for long anyhow."
She grins cheerfully, "so, long as we stay in the stag area, don't make any moves, we are bout as safe as it gets?"
"You got it."
I make a decision then and there. She is a good person who made a bad mistake in the past, earned a lotta hatred. I will be generous, refrain from writing. Stand aside and let her bash two homers: the drug story and the 'Horny in Holland' theme.
Language training is easy, Dutch being half way between German and English.
It is a dream trip. We frequent coffee houses, observe, overhear, chat amiably at camp sites. We are never even remotely in any danger.
One of her novellas sold 1.3 million; the other 1.8 million.

All years ago. We're still best friends, both Majors now.