Deborah 5

In order to get a feel for the sci fi world, I'm doing a reading program, on my time. I've chosen two dozen authors, one book randomly selected from each.
And so it is I happen to be at the library checkout when Capt Ahenakew comes up behind me, raises an eyebrow, "didn't know you were a fan."
I shrug, "mysteries are so tiresome. Once I've read one historical fiction from a time and place, that's enough. Not so much a fan as a wanderer."
We go for coffee and she tells me her plan. May as well start with a bang, she asserts, 600 page blockbuster novel. (Good luck on a first time author getting that published.) It's a crew of Aliens, for a sliding scale of fees they will make your husband, wife, business competitor, high school English teacher or anyone else vanish. Fees are based on how important the abductee is, hence how dangerous the job.
I choke back the amusement as I realize that, according to her, I've saved $15,000 by having the job done for free. What a dent that would make on the student loan.
Monday morning Murray is already there when I arrive. That's rare, every day he usually shows mid-morning, but stays in the evening.
I've barely removed my coat when I'm summoned to his office. Grim tired look, "I've had a lousy weekend so I believe in sharing. You're going to have a lousy Monday. Recall Joel dashed off to Cuba on that cheap package deal?"
I nod.
"He's been arrested, gay public display of affection on the beach."
"What a moron! Even untravelled I know better than that."
"I've talked with the Canadian Embassy. Forget any bribery or even any charges. Pure display of power, aimed at discouraging gay tourism. Pattern is they hold em for a couple months, in relative comfort, then simply release, but with the public statement they are a family-oriented place. They're taking mercy on his family, not on him."
I groan.
"I need you to choose one romance novella, to keep the program on track."
"Get real Murray, what in Hades do I know about romance?"
"Come on now, be a good team player."
"Murray I quote a famous publisher, 'your entire life you've been cool and calculating. Marriage to the computer geek has turned that into cold and calculating."
He laughs, "wonder who could have said that? Ok, I buy your argument, yes you'd likely select a lousy romance. So riffle through the manuscripts, find the wildest kinkiest S&M (Sadism and Masochism)."
"Murray I'm disgusted."
"Be as disgusted as you like. Law is, long as we use text only, no pictures, only forbidden item is sex with underagers."
"Murray!"
Easy laugh, "need I remind you, if you select a million seller and not Joel, it's your bonus? I can just see that student loan, vanishing into never never land."
"You silver tongued devil, always get your way."
"Forget plot, forget any real characterization. Pick someone who starts the S&M at page 3 and just doesn't stop."
"You sound entirely too interested. Why don't you do it yourself?"
He blushes, "let's just say I would lack the objectivity you have."
I roar with laughter, then shrug, "ok, I'll do it." After all, I'm not breaking any laws.