Field Commission 4

Parvana says, "anything you want to eat at the bar, I'm buying."
"They make a lovely Kalbschnitzel (veal cutlet). To what do you owe this newfound prosperity?"
With a theatrical flourish she hands over her pay stub.
I gasp loudly, "that's regular Cpl salary, regular tour pay."
"Yep."
"Friend there ain't nothing free in the world. Means they extended your hitch. What all did you sign?"
"Just a receipt for keys and handheld."
I raise an eyebrow.
She protests hotly, "you have the computer profile to call up Personnel file on any in your command. Do it."
We walk over to the shared terminal.
"Ok still shows draftee. But that proves nada. You see, pay function is lots faster than Personnel file. This very moment, your form could be in a keypunch stack."
"You can check rulings, adjudications. Do it."
"Looky here. Ruling on any draftees who pass the Thunderflash test. Salary and benefits upgraded to regular level, but remain draftees. Official army rationale, they will be so pleased with their new status, that most will choose to stay on anyway. How bout that? You get to buy the Cadillac but only hafta pay for the Edsel."
Serious look, "I have detected in you, all day, a morose bitten attitude. Care to talk with a friend?"
For answer I open a drawer, draw out three things: old pay stub, today's stub and a notice from the Supply Sgt.
She gasps, "holy sh**, you were at notch 3 for a Spec 4, now bottom of Lt. You get lots less money, earn less than me. Take you 2 years just to catch up to where you were. And you people gotta pay 600 clams for that crazy dress uniform? 3 deductions of 200? Unreal."
I groan, "to add insult to injury I will use it all of thrice per year. To top it off, I don't even have it yet. Still altering it to my small size, but they're already deducting for it."
She twists a smile, "wanna know what is really ****ing ironic?"
"I'm all ears."
"During the test, was me who was panicky, ready to run in circles and go crazy. You were calm cool did the right stuff. Yet I come out a big winner and you get screwed blued and tattooed. And look at that ****ing stack of paper. So what you gonna do?"
"The time. If it doesn't get any better, end of my hitch I'm gone. Good money for elec techs on civvy street."
"Let's go now, get a table before they're all gone." Giggle.
"What's so funny?"
"They ain't even found a replacement for you yet. So any repairs, you gotta do em. Should demand both cheques."
"In your dreams."
We never like the bar scene the weekend after payday. After a cutlet and a beer, we leave early. That weekend I kill off 3 more pieces of hate mail. But I feel cheated. Coulda been 3 novellas. Used to be.
Monday brings - surprise - more trouble. Seems 3/4 of my command is being held by the city cops in Ulm. On our side was some 200, the French unit some 250, but we clearly won.
Well I muse, least it means they paid attention during unarmed combat class. And if the legendary Black Watch is suddenly called into action (ie neoSoviet invasion), I won't be the only officer with egg on my face. Yes the ground support will be rather thin on the ground. But also half of them armored cars will be empty. So here's hoping cousin Ivan doesn't choose today to come a-callin. But then, my guess, he's probably just as wiped by vodka this morning.
After this muse, I'm reaching for another paper when the next cubicle Capt rolls her chair to my entrance.
"Rough weekend?" I ask.
"Hangover with a capital H. Oh well, least I wasn't in the big bash."
"How so?"
"Actually turns out I left just 5 minutes before it got going."
We both laugh.
"You know," she starts earnestly, "this is insane, compared to civvy street. Did you know back home I was a CPA? ...."
I groan inwardly. Instead of hearing this, I should be duelling with the paper dragon.
It takes til morning coffee dealing with her. Something in her manner suggests she will be a repeat customer for my sympathetic ear.
Gradually other officers trickle in, looking bleary and weary. Resta the morning lotta black coffee gets drunk as cubicle village is host to raucous conversation.
But after lunch the most debilitated go for a nap. The place is quiet and I kill 2 more hate mails. I'm getting better, can spot likely short cuts.
At 4:00 pm the CO drops by my cubicle, friendly smile, "so how is it going?"
I show her the results.
"Good. Excellent. Doing lots better than I expected. And cheer up, nothing more coming. What you got was only stuff already on its way. Nother few weeks, be totally ok."
I nod.
"I don't like to preach, so I won't. But learn from experience. See if you're ever behind, it's hell on earth."
"Read you loud and clear ma'am, I can assure you, I won't live through this again, will keep it up to date."
"Oh but you will have problems, coming back from annual leave. But better once a year, than all year." Pause, "I ah always hate to bring this up. People loathe it, with an absolute passion."
I steel myself for the worst.
"You know," she continues earnestly, speaking quietly, "I've been asked to name one officer as a committee member."
I grooooan inwardly.
"See we're trying to figure ways and means to make ourselves more attractive to draftees. Since you are the only officer in the entire Black Watch who understands this concept, you are the obvious choice."
So, what you gonna say to that? "Well ma'am, frankly I'm flattered by your confidence in me. Do my best. When and where do they meet?"
"Once a month, in Ulm."
Cool, get a free train ride and a chance to do some fun shopping when stores are uncrowded.
Tuesday morning, Parvana smiles wickedly, "here's hoping cousin Ivan doesn't choose today."
"That bad huh?"
Laugh, "the lot got 7 days, D&D. But that flu, people in sick bay, you and I are all that's left."
"Well go find something to amuse yourself but stay outa trouble, I got paper to do."
"Which do you want? Amuse myself? Or stay outa trouble? Can't do both."
"Smart ass. Ok choose stay outa trouble."
"Party pooper!"
No sooner does she leave than the Capt rolls her chair to my area. Sad look, "got this letter from back home. ...."
Why me God? Life as an elec tech was so much fun.
She departs and another officer appears, seeking advice on one particular form.
Yet another interrupts us, collecting a dollar for the group lottery fund. Pleasant smile, "Lily, better join in. You got any idea how much paper would land on you, if the group won without you."
"Read you five by five. Don't ever leave me out. When I go on leave, I'll pay in advance."
Smile, "did you know the Ancients were actually mooting around the concept of a paperless society. Just did not work."
"Oh?"
"Yes why read some of Alvin Toffler, back in Antiquity. Future Shock. Third Wave." She spends half an hour on this concept, leaves and it's back to the person seeking my advice.
As this officer leaves, a memory hits me. In a novella, one character was an editor in the New York publishing scene. He was so swamped with people problems, he simply stayed one evening a week to do paper.
So what about me? Lousy idea. I'm a morning person, fried by supper. Some other officers try evenings, so maybe you would not get quiet.
Just a minute. Suppose I showed at the mess soon as it opens. That's one extra hour every day. Might make a dent.
It works. End of the week I've zipped through the entire list. Just in time for my people to get out of jail.