Nuremberg Tour 22

I tell Naomi, "so then that implies we are exact same as they. They play out the charade to keep their big and troublesome ally pacified; so do we."
Naomi pulls me aside, "shut up, you just committed a cardinal sin."
"But isn't it obvious?"
She sighs, "my friend, good thing no officers were around," leans closer, now in a whisper, "looking for bodies you see, officer draft, eight years. Any officer heard you talk you'd be writing exams. Meaning kiss goodbye to that comfortable civvy way of life."
"Ok, so what are the limits of free speech?"
"Ask anything you like about individual units or events. No global statements that show you understand the big picture."
"Ok."
"And If you ever do decide, for whatever insane reason, to join our happy little crowd of misfits and outcasts, stay an enlisted. I as a M/Cpl make more than a Lt. Sarge makes more than a Captain. Lot less paper too. So, we on the same wavelength?"
"Yes Naomi, thanks for your kind help."
"You see Rachel, it's like this crowd never grew up. Some are here for racial reasons, harder to get a decent job. Others, various personality disorders, they're largely unemployable in the outside world. One is here instead of prison."
I gasp.
"Now imagine a week of summer camp as a kid, a nice change, but nice to get back to real life. Here, it's like summer camp never ends, even when snow flies."
"Thank you."
"Hey don't mention it. Rumor has it we Jews all stick together."
"Hasn't been my experience."
"Nor mine kid. But think of this. I'm a real Canadian Jew, you an Israeli. Outside the walls, I'd be sneering at you. In here, we're equal, friends. So the army does have merit to it."
"How exactly does a real Jew end up here? I mean, if it's not prying."
"Kid, I trust you enough to tell you the story. It's just well, it's so long and complicated, take days in the telling. No time now. We'll talk out in the field."
It hits me, "why exactly would you put that sorta effort into me?"
She sighs, "kid, you can do your best with the book. Might even convince younger Jews or non-Jewish Canadians. No matter what, Ariel's fans won't be happy."
It starts to dawn, where she's headed.
"What fraction of that customer base at the linen rental is Jewish?"
"About a quarter."
"They have lotsa friends. Every single right wing fundamentalist Christian business owner will happily join the boycott. That superintendent of yours, lying, jollying you along, you won't be allowed to come back."
I start to sweat.
"At some point, you will realize you've crossed over a line. You have become one of us, a career soldier. Now maybe Jews don't stick together, but career soldiers do. Any help, any advice, just ask."
"So you mean, I'm one of you already?"
"Come on kid, grow up. Farzana named you as L/Cpl in her group."
"I didn't know that."
"You will soon enough."
During the bus ride home, I come face to face with the contradiction. Sarge is predicting possible success; Naomi, almost inevitable failure. So, who is right? Both, in a sense.
Sarge is cheering people up, helping them to get through the tour with dignity. She very much wants you to believe. See if you don't believe, for sure it won't happen. If you do believe, it might or might not happen. Suppose the publisher refused, choked on my ending. Decided to go with the novella only, and say it only sold 2,000 copies. What would Sarge say? "It's a start, go from there, try the Guyana story. You still did lots better than being bored and uptight during the tour. And now, at least you have author name recognition."
Naomi would say no matter what, it was hopeless, I would never redeem my perceived guilt.
And then I decide. I prefer to see the glass half full, Sarge style.
Yes, I'll do the book, what happens, happens.
If Jews hate me, not a serious problem. My sense of identity is not Jewish, but Guyanese.
Next morning, I run into Naomi just before start time. Gentle smile, "you've changed, different look in your eye. You know, don't you?"
"Yes."
"And you are still writing the book?"
I pull a face, "it's either that or write porn. I understand Sarge has the market cornered there; I'd never compete."
She roars with laughter, then playfully punches my arm, "now that, little one, is greatness. You can look the demon straight in the eye and still laugh about it. I like you, now I know why Farzana likes you as a friend."
As I turn to leave, she cheerfully calls out, "you want any porn scenes in that story, go to Sarge for advice."
We both laugh.
I sit next to Sarah. She smiles, "I believe in always having a Plan B. So, what would you do if that publisher waffles, refuses to go with the project?"
"Hadn't given it any thought, he seemed most sincere about salvaging the last of Ariel's books."
"Yes but time often changes plans. What would you do?"
"I'm guessing no other Jewish publisher would touch it, tainted. As for non-Jews, even less likely. Only way out, maybe try a publisher in Israel."
"Tell you what, if it happens, let's stick together. See there's a zillion mystery writers. Hard to get a break for a first time author. But suppose they got something for free. My say 250 page mystery and your say 100+ page novella, all for the one price. A promotional gimmick."
"Yes! Far better to have a fraction of some money, than 100% of nothing."
"Our work does fit neatly together. Both Jewish themes. Any Jewish publisher would at least think about a 2 for 1 special for his customers. Best of all, just the novella, means none of Ariel's text. It becomes any other book deal, yes or no, without the dark shadow."
"All right, we'll do that. But still, I may make some money and you too, but it doesn't really"
She sighs, "come on, the Ancients had a saying, 'nothing succeeds like success."
"You lost me."
"Any form of success is good. If some Gentiles read it, that is success. If only young secular Jews read it, that is success. Don't write for the crotchety old fans; write for younger ones."
I feel inspired, hearing nice things like that.
Sarge breezes in, "good news for y'all. Change of rules on tuition. Previously they only funded high school. Now, they won't cover full fees for university correspondence or accounting designation, but they will contribute $200 towards. That being said, it might alter some of your plans. Think on it. Today's topic, I will explain how the pay system works. Byzantine. Please please nobody shoot the messenger."
Everyone laughs.
After the lecture, it's our daily walk. Once again the crowd pokes along. Once again, Sarge and I have a pleasant conversation. She's cheerful, optimistic and I find I like that. Far rather listen to her than lotsa others.