FARZANA 5

Rest of the afternoon I stew in agony. People like the CO, Arifa, English teacher are just cheering you up, jollying you along, their staff shortage and such. So this is how real members think.
I could slip out the door. Quick walk to the coast. High cliff, bone-chilling water, be dead in a minute or two. I do have experience, freezing to death. It's good, compared to most ways.
So why don't I? You got it, Arezou. She'd be heart-broken, probably jump herself.
Eventually my horrible afternoon ends. I join the crowd in the student mess. They're wildly enthusiastic, high spirits, fabulous day, several hundred girls dropped in for English conversation.
Even Arezou, for all we have a mindlink, is so caught up in this, she doesn't notice my mood.
Still I don't want to worry her. When they do get around to asking me, I just shyly say, "well, truth is I'm a little down. Not one customer, all day."
Arezou hugs me, "don't worry, it'll pick up, they're just busy people."
I try to smile, but I feel like the world's biggest fraud.
After that, I make a point of never having tea there. It has the desired effect, no bathroom demand.
Day after day, I daydream, watch everyone ignore me. And then hear how well the student tutorial is going.

It's now 2 weeks. CO stops, "Farzana, how's it going?"
"Not busy, ma'am."
"How many customers are you getting?"
"None yet, ma'am."
"None? None at all? What is the matter with these people? Don't they understand, to a large degree, their career potential depends on English."
Now that's definitely grownup questions where they don't want you to answer, they do that all the time.
She sits, "I'm your first customer, deal with me."
"Ma'am, your English is already very good, I'm not sure what I...."
"Wrong," she interrupts, "my vocabulary is bigger than yours, that's all. But I'm an adult, you a child, it's always so. My rhythm, pronunciation is lacking. I want your help."
"Ma'am, do my best. Someone as good as you, most advanced workbook."
As we work, one part of my mind is on the workbook, repeating, rhythm, emphasis, listening, correcting.
Other part is thinking, she's just being kind. Yeah, but more, see it's her way of endorsing my product, telling people it's ok to deal with me. True, but more. You see, just as one alcoholic can always spot another; just as one career soldier in civvies can always spot another. Just so, one who has travelled through the sheer insanity and crazy places in life, can spot another. I'm looking at my mirror image, when I'm an adult. And no question, she's got me spotted too.
After an hour, she grins, "enough for today. You are superb. I'll be back tomorrow."
"I'll keep a timeslot open, ma'am."
She laughs, "no you don't. If someone else is here, I'll just come back. I've seen the flotsam and jetsam of a quarter century of war float through here. You're unique, not one like you. You'll go far around here."
During the last few minutes of dealing with the CO, a Lt has been hovering around. Poured herself tea, pretending to read the newsletter.
As the CO leaves, she sits, "you are free to practise English?"
"Yes ma'am."
She leans forward, "so tell me, what's cannibalism really like?"
"You wanna know Lt, there's a book in the library, Siege of Leningrad. Wanna practise English, well go right ahead."
Nervous laugh, "English then."
Her lesson over, she leaves.
Another food server, same size (but different mess) sits. Serious look, "I don't like what the girls say bout you. I mean, take pork. Forbidden in normal life. But we're supposed to eat it, if it's that or starve."
I nod.
Gently punches my arm, "you had a duty to stay alive. You did. Where's the problem? Nuff of that, work."
Wanna know how perverse the mind is? Soon I'm obsessing on bacon and eggs, which I won't ever get here. I know if I don't stop right now, it's a long miserable afternoon. So I think of the eggs only, which you do get lots. It works.
As I wind up for the day, I realize. Without the CO, there would not have been those two customers.

I join the gang. Arezou grins, "look cheerful. Musta found customers."
"Three."
Everyone is staring at me, wanting the story.
"CO wanted practice with her pronunciation. After, that goofy Lt who always has the purple hair clasp. Then one of the servers."
"Co-ol," Nilo says, "so CO broke the ice, showed people it's ok."

Next day, CO is there as I start. Then things get rolling, customer after customer all day. By the end of the day, I realize I like the summer job.
Demand picks up so much they rotate Arezou in to help out. It's fun, working with her. Matter of safety though, we only go to the can together. Told her of the conversation I overheard. No choice, now she's here too.
Last day of summer, CO picks a quiet moment. By now she's got a Canadian accent. In a voice that wouldn't be too far out back at Saint Patrick's, "girls, you did an excellent job. People are happy. When we spot talent, we develop it. During the school session, you two can come here every Thursday morning. Except of course, group picnics, then come Friday morning. Ok?"
What you gonna say? They feed us, gotta pay back. Beats some grim refugee camp. And it is fun.
Turns out the other English crowd wasn't forgotten. Same schedule as us in the student mess.

English teacher grins wickedly, "Arezou, Farzana, Nilo, Gulazar, front and center." As we stand, I'm mystified. The other girls are enjoying it. What do they know that I don't?"
Teacher ties the turban on Arezou. "Now class, it seems the husband's finances have improved a lot over the last few months. He inherited a large sum of money. Large profits on two smuggled shipments. So we all know what he's thinking about now, don't we?"
The audience laughs and I'm starting to catch on. Teacher walks over to me, takes my face in her hands, "he's had this wife, not ugly, but really very plain, very boring. He wants to do soooo much better, divorces her, takes two younger better-looking wives." With a flourish, she hands us the scripts.
Nilo and Gulazar smirk, strut around and the class is cheering. I'm furious, this is a fraud.
"Now now," teacher says, "cool off, just a play. But also reality, we all know it happens."
You guessed it. I'm booted, packed off to work in a sweatshop in Peshawar. Nilo and Gulazar are riding around in his new car, no less.
This whole nonsense lasts over half the English class, instead of the usual few minutes. By now, I'm ready to do homicide.
Script over, teacher asks, "Farzana, how do you feel?"
"Cheated, defrauded."
"Class, who all has seen this happen? I mean relatives, neighbors, even your own parents?"
Every hand but mine goes up.
Astonished look, teacher says, "that is curious, Farzana. I can only assume end of Corridor people are so poor, they never get the chance."
I blush, struggle not to cry.
Teacher smiles, "so everyone learned something here. Quite frankly, we've run out of scripts on the Arezou-Farzana marriage. Old hat, bor-ring. Farzana, you remain exiled to the sweatshop. And you Arezou, wipe that smirk before you lose your Friend."

There's a moral to the story. In subsequent conversations with other sweatshop women, I meet one who has a sister in the organization. I apply and - surprise - am accepted.
Still it ticks me, seeing Nilo and Gulazar so shamelessly hanging all over Arezou. I know it's only a play, but they're having a way too much fun at it. Is that jealousy in me? Probably.
As we head for a shower, Arezou says quietly, "Farzana, gotta lighten up. Only a play. I haven't dumped you for those two, you're still my Friend."
Now I'm sobbing.
She hugs me tight, "now have a good cry, get it all out of your system."
It works, I feel better after.
We continue on our way, "see all those actors and actresses, gotta know when to stop. Just a role to play, not real life."
I blush, "yeah, feel like an idiot."
Grin, "Farzana, I can sense teacher is getting bored again. Nother 2, 3 scripts and it'll all change. Anything could happen, but still just a play, in real life you and I belong together."

Teacher's sense of humor is bizarre. Arezou ends up arrested, smuggling dope. Nilo and Gulazar are totally broke. I end up taking mercy on them, help them to join up. After that, we all end up being best friends.
Now shoe is on the other foot. Arezou is resentful she got the role that went sour. You guessed it, I told her to have a good cry. It worked.