Dark Chronicles of Nooria 16

Shauzia tags along as I go to donate the 2 Rs. There's a half-dozen office clerks, lounging about, talking of dope and such, with piles of paper that look permanent.
Shyly I reach out, drop it in. Under her breath, Shauzia says, "hurry, let's go."
We've gone 2 steps when we hear a sgt-major voice, "stop, girls."
It's the 2-i-c, a Captain. Condescending look, "very generous. Now care to explain how you have money and no one else does."
Wordless, I pass her the card.
Her eyes light up, "you wait right here. Be just a minute." Returns with a camera. "I'm in charge of submitting newsletter articles, among other important functions. Now we're going to unlock that box, get a photo of you dropping the money in." We do.
"We'll submit the story, good example of generosity. Where are you from?"
"Wakhan Corridor, ma'am."
"So you're the girl in the newsletter? Whose life was saved?"
"Yes ma'am."
"One prize story. Generous, even gave all, your whole 2 Rs. How are studies going?"
"Good ma'am."
"I'll check your file. If marks are good, we'll print. If not, why bother? So overall, how do you like life here?"
"Ma'am, less exciting than I'm used to. But everyone is kind. Good experience so far."
And so it was, my photo and story ended up in the newsletter. And that's how my second trip to the CO's office came about.
She looks smoking hot furious, "sit." I do. "Now tell me about the newsletter story."
"Which one, ma'am?"
"The donation story. How did it happen?"
"Well you see ma'am, I got my 2 Rs in the envelope. Since there's nothing to buy in the tuck shop anyhow, I decided to donate."
"So why did you go looking for a story on it?"
"I didn't ma'am. Your 2-i-c came along, saw me donate, had the idea for the story."
CO groans aloud, "ok, not your fault. Dismiss."

I soon discover the source of her angst. The sgt's are chortling with wicked glee. "Now you see" the MP sgt says, "none of the girls here have any money at all. So if someone has exactly 2 Rs, everyone knows where it came from." More laughter. "This is like a Communist country. Everyone can read between the lines. So they know the 2 Rs was compensation. Gotta email from a friend in HQ. Huge joke there. Everyone laughing, how she charged a ten-year-old girl, had to back down. Rumor has it, she got probably 100 mocking emails."
Laughter ratchets up.
As we arrive at the motor pool, Zala hugs me, "can't call you a wimp. Made it there twice."
"How'd you know?"
"No secrets here. Immense joke. Everyone but everyone laughing at the CO, and you caused it."
"No I didn't. Her own 2-i-c did. By writing the story."
"You are way too modest. Without your donation, wouldn't have happened."

Break time, Parvana raises her mug in the air, "ladies, a toast. Doesn't happen often. Very few people walking the earth can do it. Among us is a giant. A person who can slay the mighty dragon, with nothing other than the sword of humor. To Nooria!"
Thunderous cheer, then "to Nooria!" and they drink.
Amina stands, "a toast. Among us is a rarity. Decent officer. Good example to young people. To Parvana!"
Parvana blushes, they drink.
I stand, "see, when I first got here, I was in pretty bad shape. Things are going a lot better, thanks to my friends. To everyone in this patrol!"
Nilofar laughs, "girls, y'all know who my girlfriend is. Her Majesty's secretary. I done heard she got over 300 emails on this."
Cheers, wolf howls.
Parvana grins, "nuff lollygag. Let's mount our trusty camels and cross the blazing Gobi desert. We'll seek out the fabled city of Ulan Bator, visit its legendary market."
Zala drawls, "yeah, done heard dope is cheaper there. We'll bring back 2 jeeploads."
Laughter, cheers.

Lt rises, passes the envelope to me.
"Ma'am, with all due respect, I haven't been here long enough that it's my turn."
"Oh but you don't understand. First meeting, everyone gets the envelope. After that, alphabetic rotation. Zamani was on last week, your turn Ahpay."
I open it, "you are a warlord. Good reputation compared to most, that is you forbid ethnic violence in your area and don't exact too much tax. Of late, you have come under a lot of pressure from the Hamid Karzai government. Disarm. You fear doing so, because of risk of ethnic violence springing up again. You don't want to seem uncooperative, or it could lead to trouble with the Americans, that is US Special Forces swooping in and disarming you. How do you proceed?"
"You invite the Karzai bigwigs to a feast. Lotsa food, even some booze, dancing girls. Boys will be boys. Soon you'll have incriminating photos. So, you let them save face. Symbolic disarmament. You know, tank beyond repair, old broken down AK47's. Naturally, they'll want to take their photos from a distance, so no one can see all they're destroying is your junkyard. So Hamid himself is happy, the Americans are happy, your people are happy. Just need the right optical illusion."
I see every thumb going up.
Lt grins, "no one can accuse you of lacking originality. Now the boring stuff."
Boos, catcalls.
"Now for your committee work. Fabricate a list of parking regulations. I mean right here, for this camp."
Tasmina gasps, "all we got is official vehicles, park in motor pool. Isn't like HQ with acres of scooters around."
"So assume a standard rate. Of 235 members, that would be say 180 scooters. Draw up regulations and map and agree on it."
"But there's nowhere to drive a scooter here."
"Aren't you missing something, Tasmina? Of course there isn't. Just like there isn't 500 Rs for repair nor 1,000 Rs for the library. Is a simulation, practice, show you how it works."
"Oh."
As is turns out, me being an ex-Saskatonian, I have a far better concept of parking than the rest. Agreement soon shifts to me.
As we hand it over, Lt shakes her head, "now I've seen it all. Someone from the Corridor who knows how to park; 2 Kabulis and 1 Kandahari who haven't a clue. Isn't that how it goes?"
As we walk back, Tasmina laughs, "parking here? Barking mad. Two thousand square kilometers, 4 vehicles and we need parking regs. On top of that, 1,000 miles from the nearest humans."
"Want my guess? Our illustrious CO will soon publish parking regs."
She gasps, "and now you're barking mad. Contagious disease."
"Not at all. Shows development. Not a backwater anymore. Puts Kerguelen on the map. Now it may be a while before we see any scooters, but hey why not?"
"You are deadly serious. You're not joking."
"Old trick. If you can't solve real problems, solve imaginary ones or possible future ones."
"You speak from such experience. You've done this, I mean in your past lifetime."

We don't have long to wait. Thursday morning the MP sgt slides in next to us, "totally insane! Mad as a hatter! Never guess what Her Majesty is up to."
"What?" Amina asks.
"She gave me a drawn map, list of parking regulations. Asked for my input. Here, show you." Digs it out, it's a photocopy but I can still recognize my own handwriting.
"Lemme see that," Amina gasps, "looks suspiciously like Nooria's writing."
"Go on. Nooria's in the doghouse after the donation story. Why would she ask Nooria to do it?"
"Yeah, guess you're right. But still, that's a child's hand, not an adult's."
"Seeing things you are."
"Oh yeah?" Amina asserts, "see her silly little grin. She's maybe 2 seconds from bursting into laughter."
I can't help it. Laugh till I get hiccups.
MP sgt looks at me quizzically, "no time now, you folks gotta roll. But suppertime, better share the story."

As we leave, Amina says, "don't tell the patrol. Don't even tell me. Don't want gossip to get going or the CO might hear, back off. Best to just tell the MP sgt."
"Yes mum."
"I suspect Nooria, another prime joke on the way. Don't wanna spoil it."

The MP sgt and I sit alone. I explain.
"Ok Nooria, one critical question. You think the CO knows who did the drawing? Or just sees it as a group effort?"
"Hard to say sarge. Depends how much Lt tells her."
MP grins, "in other words, she doesn't know. Officers mostly avoid her. Probably just sent a memo, attached please find sort of thing. This could be the best joke we've seen in ages. So, I'm gonna suggest a few minor improvements, pass it back to her."
I nod.
"You saw this coming. What a wicked sense of humor you've got, Nooria. Really hate it if you grow up, join the Legion. Become very attached to you."