Alien 11

A stocky MP Sgt pushes her way through the throng, "bad news ma'am, we go short 40."
I gasp, "forty, what happened?"
"Well ma'am, big barroom brawl, civvy cops holding em."
I shrug, "girls will be girls. They'll just hafta come when they get out. Do you know what started it?"
"Ma'am, that bar is immense, students and mils. Some of the uni crowd starting calling em dykes and thing got serious."
"How serious?"
"150 in hospital ma'am."
"How many of those are ours?"
"None ma'am."
I grin, "appears they paid attention in unarmed combat class."
MP breaks out laughing, "D&D like that, ma'am, they'll get a week in jail. Be there soon enough."
The Lt in charge of our 3 armored cars pushes in, "bad news ma'am, one is in the shop, totalled motor."
"Oy! What is the prognosis?"
"Ma'am, not likely we'll get parts, it's that old."
"Perhaps you could get cannibalized parts from another unit. Get on the web. I have plenty of palm pilots to barter with."
Huge grin, "on it right away, ma'am."
Another MP pushes in, "sorry to say ma'am, you go short 2. Last night, caught in the act the girls running the illegal still."
I groan aloud. There goes morale, with the camp dry. "How ah caught are they?"
"Sad to say ma'am, very caught. Seems the Chaplain was there."
I laugh, "sure hope not as a customer."
"No ma'am, still was hidden in back of the Chapel building."
"Well do your duty then. I'm sure they'll get 30 days."

As the immense boxcar with wings lifts off, I know how the Earthling Major felt, joy. Yep, rest will catch up later.
Lt says, "pleased to say ma'am, found parts. Car will be on the next cargo plane. Cost 120 palm pilots."
"Wonderful job Lt. Good bargaining too, thought it would cost lots more."
I see her proud look, "thank you so much ma'am. If it is not an imposition, could I ask you something?"
"Go ahead."
"The ah Earthling mil? Bad as us?"
"Lt, please get us each a coffee. I have a few amusing stories."
We chat the rest of the flight.
As we see the steaming tropics below, she grimaces, "ma'am, can almost feel that foot rot. I will take to heart what you said."
"Thank you so much for your support."

A week later our 40 grapplers arrive, with a surprise. Stole the still, hid it in gear.
And so, with no evidence against them, the other 2 arrive next plane.
My hand shakes as I read the e-mail. Following the arrest of my registered boyfriend for illegal activities, the registration is hereby cancelled.
Surely it must be political, he has a fat professor salary, sold 6 novels for lucrative amounts. Surely not an economic crime.
I call up the newsite, there is his smiling face, a headliner story. World-famous author and renowned professor was caught in the act siphoning parking meters. A search warrant found 16 tonnes of coins in his basement.
I laugh, but the Afghan is outraged.
"We-ell," I try, "I was right on one thing - he is eccentric. Right on another - non-political."
Acidly she replies, "keep at it. One of these years, you'll get the level of social skills of a 12 year old girl. So, when is he out?"
"Immaterial. An army officer cannot have as registered boyfriend a convicted criminal."
Seeing the story still on my screen, my 2-i-c sits, "how in Hades can you laugh at a time like this?"
"We-ell I was right on one thing - he is an eccentric."
This sets her laughing, then, "hey, initial reaction is to laugh maybe. If it hurts later, you might wanna talk."
"It hurts now. Look at my batting average with men."
"Get on the web, find your own."
"Looking like this?"
"Don't send a photo til after you establish rapport."
Next two days, I surf. Nary a soul is looking for a registered girlfriend. After all, there's plenty of help finding that. You guessed it, all are looking for action on the side, either one night or longterm.
2-i-c asks, "how's surf?"
"Lousy, all cheats."
"Look, we been friends a bit. Could I ask you something personal?"
"Depends how personal."
"My little bro is just finishing grad school, meaning his exemption is about to run out. I was thinking, well he does hafta learn anyhow, better he learn from someone kind."
"And what makes you think I'm kind?"
"Go on, you're as laid back and fun loving as it gets, except health issues. The girls all worship you, better than mosta those sticks-in-the-mud. So, his e-mail address?"
"Not seemly, you could maybe e-mail him. Try not to be too cruel describing me. Would he have a prob with the racial difference?"
"Some would, he would not. So, how about it?"
"Sure, he's gotta be better than what's in speed dating."
"He's a nerd, geek, does that bother you?"
"Long as he isn't 100 pounds overweight, covered with acne."
"Actually not bad, just 30 pounds overweight."
It starts friendly, soon goes south.
In his view of the world, anyone lacking a Masters in computers is a lesser being. He royally trashes each and every opinion and idea I venture.
After a half dozen e-mails in each direction, I simply give up.
Sometime later, 2-i-c asks how it's going. For answer, I show her the e-mails.
"Ah now you see what I mean, lot to learn. He's gonna get lotsa spanks starting out."
"I would think more than just the start."
"Keep an open mind. If after you get back, he's grown up a bit, give him a chance."
"Way I feel right now, he would not sit for a month. Maybe he needs a nerdette."
"Nah, what he really needs, bout 6 months of daily spanks."
I blush.
"Ah ha, hit a nerve. You'd love to do that."
Sheepishly I nod.
"So why not?"
"I want respect, not someone who acts like I don't have 2 brain cells."
She sighs, "you're a strange one. Only one way you get respect outa men nowadays. Spank it into them." Grin, "gimme that handheld."
In no uncertain terms, she writes what "I" would do. Then presses send, before I can even argue.
My answer comes back in half an hour. He will happily accept as many spanks as I choose, provided I do so topless.
"Co-ol," 2-i-c grins, "made the connection. He finds you exciting."
Alas, it proves not to be. I send a friendly e-mail, trying to get things back on track. After a week of no reply, I resend, just in case. Still, no answer.
Gradually I realize his reply was just cheeky bravado.

"We-ell," 2-i-c smiles, "he's gonna start learning right quick. Got himself a registered girlfriend now."
A month later, he e-mails her, asks her to put in a good word with me. She shows me, "so, what in reply?"
"Only way that moron comes crawling back, I tire my hand out on him every night for a week. That is just to make up for all the rudeness. Then we start fresh."
His polite reply, he agrees to my terms, wishes me to be his registered girlfriend.
I am perplexed as to how to reply. 2-i-c uses a digicam, gets 2 dozen shots of me swinging topless, chooses the hottest 3. The caption, "I will be kind and provide you means to distract yourself from the pain."
It works, nerdness is gone.
She smiles, "here's your strategy. Keep your threat, spank every night for a week. But erotic weight, not punishment weight. End of a week, he'll be totally hooked on you."
Our tour proves completely uneventful. Only one social disease, minor enough it is not reportable. So, despite the rather shaky start on the tarmac, the Gorgons came through.

I keep up the pace for a week. 2-i-c is right. It's wonderful to be a citizen in good standing, not have the dating nazis on my case.
But the army, oy, am I in for a rude awakening! My 2 Earthling tours ended when I handed over to the Major, slunk home. I had zero concept of what he did after.
Paper from the tour. Paper for the next tour. Routine paper which stacked up. I'll be back 6 months, then tour again. Hafta fit in a month of vacation.
To top it off, I have been named to Committees. Ethnic Minority (obvious reason, I'm one); Environmental; Base Permiter Security; Alcohol and Drug Abuse; Problem Gambling; Tropical Health.