Alien 6

The Afghan and I have a long philosophical discussion, vagaries of luck. If there is a God, why is this God so patently unfair in so many situations?
She sums up, "now lay all this nonsense to rest. Her success is best for you."
I raise an eyebrow.
"Back to basics, see from conversation, we've discovered male-male friendships are same on both planets, superficial, bit of sport and sex, no heavy-duty unburdening. Female-female ones are also same. So, guess what happens when she has lotsa problems."
I groan, "yeah, hours of phone conversation."
"There, now you see why I shy away from deep female-female stuff. So, are we happy things worked ok for your pilot friend?"
"Oh yes."
Laugh, "99% of women are that way, so be careful about any friendships."
"Thanks for the advice."
"If you gotta put up with her, so do I, enlightened self-interest."
"Ah."
"How's this for a plan? Your friend is hot-blooded, gets bored easy. Soon, wanna give that boyfriend the heave-ho, get another. You could simply .."
"Get real, surely she's learned something following her encounter with Justice .."
"No way, prison didn't change you one iota, only my advice did. One day, he's yours."
I laugh, "could be fun."
"We get that and we can kiss goodbye to the silly vibrator."
As it happens, I run into both in a coffee house. I would never dream of imposing, but she invites me over. Obvious she's bored and itchy, him sizing me up.
As I walk away, I realize it's ridiculous. When it happens, he'll get someone more his age.
The Afghan laughs, "you see, soon enough, he's yours."
"Go on, I wouldn't take advantage, sweet innocent little boy."
"How very chivalrous!" scornful tone, "very man thing, chivalry. No woman on Earth wastes time on that crap. He's there, you grab."
"I'm really getting tired of you. So, why not kill me, take over? Easier than all that backseat driving."
"You don't get off so easy, besides I like you. So, we're agreed? He's available, grab him?"
"Compromise. I don't make the first move, too unseemly. If he does, well I go with the flow."
"Deal, I'll hold you to that."

I don't see the couple til 2 months later. From her blissed-out look, she's getting all she wants. His look is as one hypnotized.
As usual, the views of management differ from mine. "Don't you see? They're headed for the rocks."
"Go on."
"She hasn't changed one iota, maybe 1% compromise with Earthling ways for show. Now you, fool you, think she likes sex. True enough, but she likes the thrill of conquest even more. Soon, she's screaming with boredom and he's dialling your number."
"Go on."
"No, it's true. Meantime, still look just in case. So what was he thinking when he stared at your legs? And rather too much."
"He wasn't."
"He was, drooling. Admit it, he was ogling your legs, way too much."
"Come to mention it, he was."
"Now get off that lazy ass and go to the store. Buy Chatelaine, time to choose more clothes."
I groan aloud.
"Do it."
Pulling on my jacket, I head out the door.
In the store, I meet the Lieutenant. He smiles, "ah, meant to ask you. Suppose you and I could go for coffee, no nothing improper, need advice on my fiancee."
Once we're seated, he launches into his tale of woe. Soon it is obvious, he's the problem. Demanding a lot more than he's giving. Treading on eggshells, I suggest ways he could be just a little more generous. He thanks me for the female perspective, leaves. During this time, in no way did word or glance suggest anything improper.
Soon as we part, the Afghan storms at me, "fool! Vulnerable, easy pickings, take him home, give him a couple BJ's and he's yours."
"That's stealing."
"Forget all that chivalrous nonsense. No wonder you never find anyone."
"Look, I've had enough of you. Put up or shut up, kill me and take over."
"Forget it, time you experienced depression again."
As I crash in bed, feeling wiped, she chuckles, "now stay that way."
I groan, roll over, try to sleep.
Curiously, this time it's nowhere near as bad, learned how to manage it. It's peace and quiet, she can't really pick on me. When she sees I actually prefer it, she stops. But now, the balance of power has shifted a bit. Her threats don't carry the same weight. She switches from order mode to suggestion mode.
As it turns out, I'm wearing one of the seductive skirts when I next meet the couple. Again, I decline to impose, but am invited. Tone is different, she is as itchy as I've ever seen her.
It's a round table and I use my knowledge of geometry to the max. As the table hides from her what I'm doing, I ever so subtly shift position often, calculated to show off.
Before, this would have been against my moral code. But now, I can see I'm not breaking up any happy household. They've already decided, just haven't done it yet. All I'm saying is, when it happens, maybe he'll remember me.
The Afghan is loud in her congratulation after, "proud of you. I'd say 2 days, he's yours."
She's half-way right, the timing. But as always, Fate loves to throw a wicked curveball. He runs into a hometown girl, who scoops him away.
To me, it's wildly humorous, I howl with laughter after the pilot's phone call. The Afghan says I'm insane, need to understand being a woman is serious business, not frivolity.
"Go on, you're just a sorehead. Year from now, it'll seem a funny story. See it on TV, you'd think it's funny."
Silence a moment, "uh yeah, I do believe you're right. Who would have thought of a punch line like that to the joke? You know, I admire your style. Lose and you can still laugh about it. So, accept my apology for when I nagged? Still friends?"
"Yes to both."
"Still, you saw his eyes, form of hynotism. He'll soon get bored with that well-meaning hometown girl, seek you out."
"Go on, just saying that to get me horny."
"Could happen you know."
"Yeah, and we could win the lotto."
"Look at the bright side. Discovered your power and influence. You could not have handled that leg show better if I scripted every move. So, here on in, skirts more often. Hey, not an order, a suggestion."
I laugh, "sure why not? A blast watching him struggle not to cream his pants."
"Even with this well-meaning girlfriend, he's still gonna see you in dreams. Your legs anyhow. That's the power of advertising, no different than cars or colas."
"Sad isn't it?"
"World won't change for you, you gotta change for it."
"I think women are disgusting, both planets. Men too."

I run into the Lt in the store, looking upset. We go for coffee, he takes a ring outa his pocket, "gave it back. Said I better grow up and now."
"What went wrong? Thought things were gonna go good."
Blush, "truth is I BS'd you bigtime. When I talked of things being unequal in oral, I implied I was doing some, just not enough. Truth is, I've never done it in my whole life."
I raise an eyebrow.
"Yeah, I know, hard to believe. I listen to coworkers, Reservist friends, school friends. I've never admitted this to a soul before."
"I am afraid you simply do not have a choice. Lose this girl, get another, still hafta do it."
"Yeah, you're right."
"Really want her back? Or just joshing me?"
"Want her back."
"Then pick up that cell phone, now!"
Blush, "just one problem. See, never admitted to her I've never done it. So, if I ah well ah gag and choke and cough and hesitate, we're toast. I need practice."
I feel a chill, where he's headed.
"So, you gotta husband or boyfriend who'd be jealous?"
"No." At this point, the Afghan is screaming in my ear to go for it.
He hedges, "look no sex. If you feel afraid, you can even tie my hands. Please, just let me practise so I don't shame myself in front of her."
"Strict conditions. Wait outside my door, I get something tie your hands before you go in."
After, he thanks me profusely, leaves.
Sadly the Afghan asks, "so how come you let him slip away? Why not grab?"
"Think bigger picture. He's getting that commission upgraded to Regular Force. What happens when he shows at socials with a much older wife? Laughed off base. It'd never work. He's best with her."
Moment of silence, "you truly are a generous soul. Lots would just grab, not worry bout stuff like that."
"He would only hate me later."