Green Lake 13

Morosely I lie in bed 3 days, don't feel like eating, just get up to use the bathroom. Odd time, I look out the window. So this is Freakmont, sorry, should use the proper name Fremont, California. Yep I'm back to being ten. Even with the dream warning me, it's still crushing. One moment you are a respected, decorated para colonel, next moment a little kid.
Eventually I return to school. Teacher starts, "ok class, now we start looking at the children's literature of Antiquity. About 1,000 years ago, was a golden age, lot of good children's books."
Lemme guess, she's building up to assigning book reports.
"So, class, come forward when I call your name. You each get 2 books, no swapping, I have a list here."
Two books, is that inflation or what?
"Jamila."
I step forward.
"Kids nowadays have it cushy. Here's 2 books to tell you what the bad old days were like."
I groan inwardly, but break into a cheerful smile, when I see "Parvana's Journey" and "The Breadwinner." I can recall, almost word-for-word what I wrote on each.

At home, I stare out the window, not seeing the streets of Freakmont. My older sister has zero time or energy for me, caught up in all those boyfriend issues.
Mum sits next to me, "honey you gotta get back into things. Ever since that fever, you've been walking around as if you lost your last friend. So, what's bothering you?"
"Just feel tired."
"How can you possibly be tired? Teacher giving you trouble?"
"Mum she gave 2 book reports."
"You have it easy honey. In my day, you got 3 at a time."
"Oh."
"Look honey, you have $5,000 worth of computer games in your room; 1,500 channels on your TV. So why just mope?"
I can't help it, now I'm crying. She holds me tight throughout.
After, she asks, "now, feel better?"
Surprisingly, I do.
Gradually it all falls into place, sort of. Lot better off than many kids. For one, I know what I want to be when I grow up. With all my experience, it should be easy to pass the officer exam. For another, don't hafta kill myself on those book reports. California weather is lots nicer than Green Lake, with its mosquito-infested summers and savage winters. Mother who cares, puts time and effort into me.
As I set out for school, I have a jaunty step. The neighbor girl Tasma says, "wait up."
I do.
"Look lots better today. Had a rough patch for awhile."
"Yeah, guess I did."
"How bout the nerve of that bossy pig?" she asserts, "two book reports. What a rip!"
"Tasma, gotta play the game by their rules or you grow up, end up dishwasher in a diner."
We both laugh.
"So Jamila, what you wannabe when you grow up?"
"Mil officer, set my heart on paras."
She theatrically feels my arm, "gotta work harder in phys ed."
"And you?"
"Me, ain't gonna get myself killed in paras, do say library admin."
"Doesn't that sound boring?"
"Hel-lo Jamila, are you awake in there? Not still in that fever? Ever listen to grownups? Every job is boring."
"Yeah, maybe you're right."
"Even paras," she asserts, "paperwork'll kill you. Bushel baskets, silverfish eating it."
We both laugh.
She grins, "mountains of supply reports, budget figures, company punishment reports, court martial papers, training schedules, maintenance reports, duty schedules, memos, gobbledygook, and a partridge in a pear tree. So there!!"
Suddenly I fell cheerful, glad to be alive, as opposed to halfway so.
"You know," I say, "it's nice to have friends."
"Feeling is mutual. Study together after school?"
"Sure, love to. How's your book reports going?"
"Thought I'd ask your advice, seem to have ripped through yours."

We arrive back at Tasma's house. I phone, leave Mum a message where I am. We adjourn to her room, spread out books all over.
"Now the truth," she grins, "how come you zipped through those silly book reports so easy?"
Now there is one loaded question. How much of the truth?
"You see, I admire Parvana, the heroine of both books, lotta courage."
"Sad isn't it? How everyone's life is so boring."
I think back to Chernobyl 2, the Canada tour. More than ever, I'm determined to make para.
"Ever done anything brave?" she asks.
I think of the Silver Star, the unit citation, the electronic jump. But those haven't happened yet, they're off in the future.
"Who am I? Just another little kid who plays too many computer games."
She looks into my eyes, "no way. Ever since that fever, noticed a change in you. Your eyes, older, tougher, more knowing, been to Hades and back. Me, I'm your best friend, have been for years. Gotta tell me the truth."
I sigh, "hopelessly long story. Maybe leave it to Saturday."
"You promise?"
"Yes, I promise."
"Ok, let's get going on this stuff."

She laughs at the rich irony of the whole thing. "What are the odds of that happening? Getting the same two books again? Millions of books to choose from."
I laugh, "probably same odds as the electronic jump."
"But now, you gotta help me out."
"How so?"
"You understand boys, you were one. Now let me tell you about ...."
I smile, "tell the jerk to get lost, running you in circles. Find someone better, more deserving of a good person like you."
"Thanks, need any advice, just ask."
"Be a bit yet. Still feel too mixed up to start all that. Tasma, can you tell me something? See I'm afraid to ask Mum what happened with my Dad? If I ask, she'll think I'm nuts, should know already."
"Electrician, tours of duty with the undersea mining rigs off Hawaii. R&R in Hawaii, hot babes there, just never came back."
"Would you know, does he pay any support?"
"Jamila, you are really nuts. Your Mum's infotech job pays five times what he would get. What court would order any support?"

As I arrive home, I ask Mum, "see I'm not really doing well in computer stuff in school. Suppose you could help me out?"
Her face lights up, "busy cooking now Jamila honey. After supper."
As we sift through, she finds the two book reports, "very good honey, writing better now. Did you learn a lot from those books?"
"I guess those were crazy times Mum."
"I can't help but think you've come to some sort of decision honey. You have that air."
"I do?"
"Sure, I can always tell."
"Mum, when I grow up, I want to be a military officer. Prefer paras."
"Isn't that a bit dangerous?"
"Don't they do a lot of good for people Mum?"
"Yes honey they do." Feels my arm, "gotta work harder in phys ed."
"Lotta years yet Mum."
"Bad attitude, start now." As I hear the rest, I have a sense of deja vu, sounds remarkably like Uncle Billy Bob.

Teacher says, "Jamila front and centre. Now read these two book reports to the class."
I do.
"So class, what were your impressions?"
"She writes better now."
"Even stands different."
"Different tone of voice."
Teacher nods, "huge improvement. Now I'm guessing, when you get a really bad fever, causes you to change things a bit."
I nod.
"Keep up the good work."
As I sit, I hope people don't beat me up for being a suck. Then I realize, they do that to boys only. I'm safe.

Yeah, whole lotta things have changed. Not on a farm by myself anymore, best friend is next door. Tasma is a far more loyal friend than any back in Canada. Marks have gone up, Mum is pleased. Computer skills, better than when I was a Col.
But still nothing feels right. As other girls yap on, I kind of back off. Tasma is the only one who knows the true story.
We become inseparable. She is my key to surviving this strange world. Still, sometimes I can pay her back and I do.