Naomi 4
Sgt Meyer starts an altercation with Cpl Zilber in the mess. Blames her, her topless dance got him all horny.
She pulls his hand, draws him away, "sillllly boy, why didn't you just ask?"
Finally Sgt Meyer proves useful for something. He and Zilber have gone for drinks, return late, discover another note being left. Turns out it matches the original handwriting.
Meyer and Zilber haul the offender, a yeshiva student, behind a building and beat the stuffing outa him.
This proves quite exciting for them, as their antics after keep half the camp awake.
Next morning, Meyer drops by the office, "so, never guess who the culprit was."
"Rumor is a yeshiva student."
"Not just any yeshiva student, one of mine."
I groan inwardly, anticipating police. But then, probably not, the kid is guilty too.
The student gets his revenge. That evening, as Meyer and Zilber go for drinks, they are pelted by unnamed objects of bad odor, thrown by three score of yeshiva students.
The whole camp thinks this is a huge joke.
As Meyer signs out the jeep next morning, I see his expression. Trouble, he'll get in some today. I have visions of him flipping the bird at a General.
He proves remarkably more stupid than that.
Every now and again, the Haredi community undertakes to put the fear of G-d into those cybercafe owners who misguidedly defy their ban.
They don't worry about what any secular person should choose to watch or surf. But you are not allowed to rent computers by the hour to a Haredi. (To any of you foreigners, they are easy to spot, distinctive clothing and hair.)
The Haredim (plural) take the Biblical concept of stoning seriously.
And so it is some four score of them are joyfully flinging stones at the cybercafe. They are creating little damage, as walls are concrete block and no windows.
Into this scene of happy Biblical reenactment, arrives Meyer. Talk about insanity - he proceeded to berate Haredim.
The stones change direction.
It is at lunchtime that we hear back from Magen David Adom, the ambulance service, count on not having your Sgt back for rest of tour.
Upon hearing this news, Zilber peels off her top and bra, redoes the table dance, again to loud applause.
As she sits, I ask what that was all about.
Cheerful laugh, "you know how men are. They come and they go. Always gotta advertise."
It is so flippant, so offhand, I roar with laughter, til hiccups come.
Once back in my office, sobriety returns, time for evaluation.
Should I end up Sgt/Maj, it means riding herd on wild men like Meyer, of whom the unit has too many.
Should Meyer get the nod, means orangutang behavior becomes the unit norm.
Either way, this is my swan song, ain't returning next summer.
Our jeep is returned, with a few more dents. There was no glass left to break, Palestinians had already taken care of that.
I look askance at Lt Nachman, "never seen you do that before."
"Take a look. Hamodia (Haredi newspaper) has photos of the cybercafe stoning."
Included are a couple shots of the "Atheist Pig" who interrupted G-d's good work. Sorry lads, you're only one for two. Meyer ain't an atheist.
Capt Herzog speaks to the assembled company, "As of noon tomorrow, legal title for this property passes from XXX Publishing to the State of Israel, due to unpaid taxes."
Oohs and ahs.
"In practical terms, if IJ shows at 11:00 am and blows this up, those insurance moneys belong in theory to XXX. Though of course, much would vanish due to unpaid taxes."
Roars of laughter.
"If IJ has a vehicle breakdown, arrives at 12:30, it would be pointless for them to proceed. Insurance policy is now null and void. And yes, there definitely are more useful targets around."
Laughter.
"We increase the guard til noon tomorrow. I expect maximum alertness. Naomi will leave the office, look after Meyer's people til then. After, a reorg, as we already have too many Chiefs and not enough Indians."
Laughter.
We wait on razor's edge. Every Israeli Arab innocently walking by on the road raises our pulses.
Yet of course nothing happens. The time passes, the State of Israel owns the building.
Capt convenes another meeting, "Sgt/Maj Goldstein will speak. Let it be known I back his plan 100% and will do whatever I can to help bring it about."
Easy smile, "gang, let's help our fellow Reservists. This building is too far away to be any use to us. Just half a klick over there (points), crumbling old Armory. Since this building is unsellable anyhow, I'm making the suggestion to the powers that be, that they give it to that unit."
Oohs and ahs.
"So I would appreciate that guard duty is taken at least semi-seriously for the rest of tour."
Murmurs of agreement.
(So ends Part One; the blog could be inactive for several months as Part Two is prepared.)
She pulls his hand, draws him away, "sillllly boy, why didn't you just ask?"
Finally Sgt Meyer proves useful for something. He and Zilber have gone for drinks, return late, discover another note being left. Turns out it matches the original handwriting.
Meyer and Zilber haul the offender, a yeshiva student, behind a building and beat the stuffing outa him.
This proves quite exciting for them, as their antics after keep half the camp awake.
Next morning, Meyer drops by the office, "so, never guess who the culprit was."
"Rumor is a yeshiva student."
"Not just any yeshiva student, one of mine."
I groan inwardly, anticipating police. But then, probably not, the kid is guilty too.
The student gets his revenge. That evening, as Meyer and Zilber go for drinks, they are pelted by unnamed objects of bad odor, thrown by three score of yeshiva students.
The whole camp thinks this is a huge joke.
As Meyer signs out the jeep next morning, I see his expression. Trouble, he'll get in some today. I have visions of him flipping the bird at a General.
He proves remarkably more stupid than that.
Every now and again, the Haredi community undertakes to put the fear of G-d into those cybercafe owners who misguidedly defy their ban.
They don't worry about what any secular person should choose to watch or surf. But you are not allowed to rent computers by the hour to a Haredi. (To any of you foreigners, they are easy to spot, distinctive clothing and hair.)
The Haredim (plural) take the Biblical concept of stoning seriously.
And so it is some four score of them are joyfully flinging stones at the cybercafe. They are creating little damage, as walls are concrete block and no windows.
Into this scene of happy Biblical reenactment, arrives Meyer. Talk about insanity - he proceeded to berate Haredim.
The stones change direction.
It is at lunchtime that we hear back from Magen David Adom, the ambulance service, count on not having your Sgt back for rest of tour.
Upon hearing this news, Zilber peels off her top and bra, redoes the table dance, again to loud applause.
As she sits, I ask what that was all about.
Cheerful laugh, "you know how men are. They come and they go. Always gotta advertise."
It is so flippant, so offhand, I roar with laughter, til hiccups come.
Once back in my office, sobriety returns, time for evaluation.
Should I end up Sgt/Maj, it means riding herd on wild men like Meyer, of whom the unit has too many.
Should Meyer get the nod, means orangutang behavior becomes the unit norm.
Either way, this is my swan song, ain't returning next summer.
Our jeep is returned, with a few more dents. There was no glass left to break, Palestinians had already taken care of that.
I look askance at Lt Nachman, "never seen you do that before."
"Take a look. Hamodia (Haredi newspaper) has photos of the cybercafe stoning."
Included are a couple shots of the "Atheist Pig" who interrupted G-d's good work. Sorry lads, you're only one for two. Meyer ain't an atheist.
Capt Herzog speaks to the assembled company, "As of noon tomorrow, legal title for this property passes from XXX Publishing to the State of Israel, due to unpaid taxes."
Oohs and ahs.
"In practical terms, if IJ shows at 11:00 am and blows this up, those insurance moneys belong in theory to XXX. Though of course, much would vanish due to unpaid taxes."
Roars of laughter.
"If IJ has a vehicle breakdown, arrives at 12:30, it would be pointless for them to proceed. Insurance policy is now null and void. And yes, there definitely are more useful targets around."
Laughter.
"We increase the guard til noon tomorrow. I expect maximum alertness. Naomi will leave the office, look after Meyer's people til then. After, a reorg, as we already have too many Chiefs and not enough Indians."
Laughter.
We wait on razor's edge. Every Israeli Arab innocently walking by on the road raises our pulses.
Yet of course nothing happens. The time passes, the State of Israel owns the building.
Capt convenes another meeting, "Sgt/Maj Goldstein will speak. Let it be known I back his plan 100% and will do whatever I can to help bring it about."
Easy smile, "gang, let's help our fellow Reservists. This building is too far away to be any use to us. Just half a klick over there (points), crumbling old Armory. Since this building is unsellable anyhow, I'm making the suggestion to the powers that be, that they give it to that unit."
Oohs and ahs.
"So I would appreciate that guard duty is taken at least semi-seriously for the rest of tour."
Murmurs of agreement.
(So ends Part One; the blog could be inactive for several months as Part Two is prepared.)
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