Susan 7

Col Cohen smiles, "but before we dive right in, there exists a problem. In order to fully understand how important the job is, we must first come to a meeting of the minds. I don't mean we have to agree, just understand.
"As it stands, there are large cultural differences between us. Oh yes being fellow Jews helps, but even that presents a problem. Being only half-heartedly Orthodox myself, I of course have a news obsession. In you, I detect the ultra tendency of disdain towards news."
I blush.
Grin, "no condemnation meant, merely pointing it out. Then add in the difference in gender and age perception. But all that pales into insignificance when stacked up against the Canada-US difference. Your culture has experienced a century of peace; mine as many years of war as of peace. Now some things I say may seem insulting, condescending. It certainly is not my intention. It's just I have to be sure you are capable of seeing the world through US eyes. Whether you agree or not is immaterial. So, up for a debate?"
"Oh yes Col."
Smile, "let's set a new rule. I'm not your boss, in fact we are equals in this process. When discussing things alone, let's go to first name. When anyone else is present, keep it formal. I'm Ari."
"I'm Sue."
"Refill that coffee. Once two Jews get going, it might never stop."
We both laugh.
"Now Sue, start by playing roles. I'm Canadian Minister of Revenue, you my chief statistician. I ask you to calculate exactly how many cigarettes Canadians smoke in a year. Is it doable?"
"No Col."
"You mean no Ari."
"Sorry Ari. It's not possible. First, some people grow their own tobacco. It's legal to do, to smoke it, to give it to friends. Only a crime if you sell it. Second, lotta US cigarettes are smuggled in through that Indian Reserve near Montreal."
"Ok, change roles. I'm Canadian Minister of Health. I ask you to tell me whether Canadians smoke more or less now than they did one year ago, five years ago and ten years ago. Doable?"
"Yes and no Ari. If the tobacco tax rose dramatically, it would have the effect of driving more people into cultivation or smuggling. If tax stayed fairly level, it could be done with accuracy."
"Good, I'm now Canadian Minister of Revenue, asking you to tell me how much alcohol Canadians drank? Possible?"
"Certainly not Ari. It's legal to ferment your own beer and wine, drink it, give it to friends. Only a crime if you sell. Then of course there are illegal stills."
"Good, now I'm Canadian Minister of Health, asking you to compare current alcohol consumption with past. Can it be done?"
"Same as with tobacco. If tax shot up rapidly, no. If taxes are fairly level, yes."
"Now I'm asking you to compare Canadian and US consumption of both. Is it possible?"
"No, different bureaucratic reporting mechanisms, it'd be like adding apples and oranges. Then every carton or bottle smuggled into Canada would have the statistical effect of making Americans appear to be bigger consumers."
"Good, now consider sex. Would it be possible to ascertain with any degree of accuracy what percent of marriages experience infidelity?"
"Unlikely, people would lie."
'But there are ways to track sexual behavior. Would you agree that looking at numbers of social diseases, abortions and illegitimate births would be a start?"
"Oh yes."
"Would you further agree that you could track the loosening and tightening of morality overall, by looking at those numbers?"
"Oh yes."
"You as a Canadian would see all these graphs as a flat line or gentle curve. American graphs on tobacco, alcohol and such sex figures spike up and down, very dramatically."
"How so Ari?"
"Up in war, down in peace."
It starts to dawn on me, where he's headed.
"There are other effects of war too. Now I ask you, imagine yourself an enlisted American, who loathes with an absolute passion either platoon or company commander."
"Ok."
"You are now on maneuvers in the swamps of South Carolina. Would you frag this person?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"I would of course know the full weight of investigation would be brought to bear, even bringing in CSI experts from HQ if necessary."
"Yet if you were in the Nam jungles over a century ago, you'd be at least tempted?"
"Oh yes."
"Investigators have confirmed for an absolute fact that 600 American officers died at the hands of their own people. That's easier to prove; the identity of the culprit is a whole lot harder to establish. Further, 1,400 died under very suspicious circumstances, but no 100% proof of fragging. Now, stand back, tell me in one sentence what you and I have been kicking around."
"War loosens inhibitions, individual and collective, and causes the unthinkable to become commonplace."
"Bingo. Move to the head of the class. Everyone and his dog gets in on the act. Takes advantage of the chaos to do things they wouldn't dare in peacetime. And that certainly includes civilians too."
"I see, and you are about to tell me in what manner the Canadian contingent can help out, should war strike here."
Proud look of a prof whose student aced the exam, "I'm about to do exactly that."