BARTER

"Rohan, my boy," mum says, "we gotta talk."
I nod.
"Now look son, you're getting to be a real problem. Six girls now, everytime a family shows, always the same, too perfectionist, too fussy."
I nod, same I heard after five.
"Now I'm starting to get suspicious. You aren't a homo, are you?"
"No, mum."
"So wake up and smell the tea. Don't get married, you get drafted."
"Mum, no big problem. Here in Guyana, only draft 1 in 100. More odds of dying in all that Georgetown traffic."

Two days later, there it is. The notice only says when and where, not which draft. Odds are 1 in 100 you'll end up in the starship marines, 1 in 1000 you'll get married. See the western countries' birthrate has fallen to almost zero, so now there's a random draft. Find out which Monday.

After a few minutes of wait, the officer calls me in. Plays with his computer, shows me. I groan aloud, what an ugly pig. The printer whirs and out pops my marriage certificate and my airticket to Canada.
Mum is of course right freaked out, but I promise to come back on vacation when I can.

As myself and new spouse exit the Immigration Office at Toronto airport, she smiles wanly, "let's find a quiet coffee house, gotta talk."
Once settled, "so rather be back in Guyana?"
I nod.
"Forget it, pal, law may be insane, but it's still the law. I ain't any happier to see you. I am a lesbian or did you notice?"
I nod.
"So you ain't staying with me and my girlfriend. Interested in barter?"
I nod.
She takes out a picture. Wow, what a beautiful girl. "Friend of mine, Afghan-Canadian. Straight. Would like to find a guy, but all the Afghan guys are picking up white chicks. Interested in meeting her?"
I grin, "you bet."
She takes out her cell.

After a conversation, Nazira and I decide to give it a try. Official stuff like tax forms will still hafta go to the address on the certificate.
As I sit in her apartment, she interrogates me on education. Sheepishly, I admit to O levels in everything except one A level, math.
Next day, I show at the commercial laundry she works at, accepted on the spot for shipping and receiving.

I send mum a picture of us. Her reply, thought it was a white girl. I show Nazira the letter, then kiss her, with intent to do more.
She pushes me away, but with a friendly smile, "no time, now anyhow. Company this evening. You'd forgotten."
I groan.
"Lighten up, Rohan, gotta show you off to my friends. Later!"
I grin, "sure, what needs doing before they get here?"