Alien 13

Ok, so I am not a front-liner, stopping 2 tribes from killing each other, like my famous friend. But 550 will come back healthy if I do my job. How's that for important?
And so, the Afghan and I find peace, friendship again.
But still, I'll go to the Doctor when I get back, get my exemption to speed dating renewed.

My 2-i-c sits, "whew, hot one. Steamy heat just soaks into ya, drains all energy."
I smile wanly, "as if we need any."
"Wanted to ask, how do you feel about my bro? Don't candy coat it to protect my feelings."
"I could understand him getting bored with an older woman, does not upset my too much. But that faithless walking out without saying, that hurts."
"Would you agree that is a sign of immaturity?"
"Yes."
"He asked if I'd talk with you. Been through 2 registered girlfriends, both assaulted him, one put him in hospital a bit. Starting to appreciate how kindness could be a good thing."
"Tell that roach if he were the last man on the planet, why I'd never ..."
Awkward grin, "just maybe that isn't you talking. Maybe the sweaty feet or clingy sports bra or too sweet fruits here or too heavy lunch we had."
I wipe my eyes.
"Come on, what you really need is a good cry. No shame in it, you'll feel better."

Next morning, 2-i-c slides in beside me at breakfast, "just love the early morn, cool."
"Yep."
"Aren't you just a little curious what he said?"
"Nope."
"He looks forward to continuing on with the book."
I blush.
"Come on, admit it, you're interested."
"I do still have some pride you know. Can't just let him walk all over me."
"Ok, I'll reply, say first time I mentioned his name, you gave 2 minutes of solid sailor talk. Second time, just 2 cuss words. At this pace, maybe you will forgive him after all."
Despite myself, I laugh.
She joins in, "that's the spirit. He does need a good lesson. I'll add my opinion of how he should behave. Assuming he wants to keep you."
"Sorry I bit your head off yesterday."

Few days later, 2-i-c gives a grin, "seems he finally understands that yes he might have hurt you. He asked my advice, what sort of atonement would be appropriate?"
"I have zilch for ideas. You have far more knowledge than I."
"No spanks for a whole month."
"I defer to your greater knowledge in these matters. But of course, we are busy people, replies are slow."
And so, the dance starts. She tells me what to say and when. Obvious it is working.

I return from tour. Immediately on disembarkation, I feel violently ill, head for the sick bay.
I awake to hear the Afghan singing.
Still feeling ugly, I snarl, "what you so happy about?"
"Look around."
I gasp, back in the apartment in Canada. First good sign is we still have it, have not been evicted. I check the date and time. Returned to where I was, immediately after returning from my second Guyana tour.
Uneasily I ask, "reckon it was a dream?"
"No way, thousand times the detail as a dream. Gimme your guess."
"Nary a clue. Even if I had transgressed politically, there would still be standard arrest and eventual trial."
"Well, other than sex, glad I'm back. It's home. And a lot freer."
I look out the window a long minute, "so am I. I do admire Earthlings."

Monday at Revenue, the cliques don't form. Everyone gathers around, asking me about the tour. I can see they are proud one of their lowly number is worthy of commanding a Canadian contingent overseas.
After the group breaks up, a grandmother says, "grandchildren were here this weekend. Would you like to see photos?"
"Thank you, very kind of you."
Then a busy young mother, showing photos of the birthday party.
Small, but huge, symbolic, they are starting to accept me.

A week later, the Lt rings. I'd forgotten him in all the hubbub.
"Could we cancel coffee?"
"Yes we could."
"Lemme explain. See she showed the e-mail to a coworker, who has a bro in the army. Was told in no uncertain terms she'd been unfair, painted me into a corner. We're back together."
It breaks my heart to say, "well I wish you all the best."
"Thank you. Still friends? I mean, in case another tour."
"You mean dormant friends, not coffee ones."
"Sad to say, yes, she's a jealous type. But as of the point we climb on a plane, friends again."
After I hang up, I cry my eyes out.

Utterly morose, I stare out the window. After a time, the Afghan says, "don't even think of it."
I blush.
"Come on, you heard the Doctor, frightening amount of coagulant. Probably hafta saw your arm right off."
"Oh gross."
We both laugh.
She sums up, "cheer up, got one friend, me."

Next morning Salima, my bus seatmate looks on the edge of tears.
"Problems?" I ask gently.
"That rat. That dirty lowdown slimy toad. That ***-****, that ******."
By this, I deduce she speaks of boyfriend.
She draws a deep breath, "so I threw him out. Tired of him. Tired of all men. Gonna become a recluse or a lesbian."
"Not wishing to be smart-ass, but recluse is probably less of a problem."
"So what is life like as a recluse? You should know."
I blush, "dreary."
She laughs, "they shoulda given you a medal, making all those smart-ass reservists behave. Any more tours on the horizon?"
"Not yet, but you never know."
"So how do you keep busy? Not go barking mad."
"I have a dual personality, we argue a lot."
She laughs, then looks at me, "you're serious."
I nod.
"So who wins?"
"I usually lose."
"At risk of sounding preposterous, what do you argue about?"
"Clothes, makeup, more personal stuff."
"So, this alter ego is the horn dog, and you the prude?"
"Bit of an over-simplification, not much."
Wicked smile, "if the alter ego, the horn dog, wins all the arguments, then how is it you never get laid?"
I pause a moment, "sounds ridiculous, but it's as if the fates hate me. Every time it is about to happen, something derails it."
She sighs, lowers her voice, "so ah how was it you left your home planet, became an Earthling?"
I gasp.
Smile, "irony, pure irony. The original Shauzia, your alter ego, your split personality was Queen of Prudes. Then you come along, grab that role yourself. So, guess, what happens next?"
I laugh, "gotcha, deathly boring to agree. She took the contrary side, just to argue."
"Took you long enough to figger it out. So, what you gonna do?"
"I'm so tired of me and she of her, we'll switch. Give her the joy of new arguments."