Caroline 5

Moving van day is something I prefer not to talk about.
Next morning I'm walking downstairs in our building. Grandma and I are on the third floor. The elevator is so slow I only use it when I'm with her, as she has problem knees.
Just as I exit the staircase, I run into Jennifer, who lives on the main floor with her parents, one of whom is military. They rent an individual condo from the owner, who is abroad.
She flashes a bitter smile, "I'm sick to death of here."
News to me, "why?"
"On the base, I was just any other kid. Oh yes, officer kids had a bit more privilege, but nothing like this. Poor kid of the whole go**am school."
"No you aren't, I am too."
Bitten look, "oh yes your friend is gone, but still nothing will change for you. Now all that fear the teachers and principal have of you, that's your status symbol. You're such a complete and utter celebrity that no one would even bother to think you're poor."
"How do your parents feel Jennifer?"
"Like the building, hate the neighborhood. Once the one year lease is up, we are so gonzo."
As we approach school, she says, bitter tone, "open your eyes for a change, instead of sleep walking through life. Take a good look at kids' expressions when they see you."
Truth is, I never noticed before, she's right. Looks of hero worship that say no-one-else-in-the-whole-school-but-you-does-it.
Jennifer says, "see???"
I blush hotly.
"Makes me wanna puke. Now get lost kid, I'm sick to death of you too."
Ouch!
As I stare blankly off into space, I'm only vaguely aware Farzana, the new kid in my class, is now nearby. She coughs quietly, as if to bring me back into the here and now.
Uneasy smile, "real bad news about your friend eh?"
"Ye-ah."
"Can you answer me a question?"
"Maybe."
"Why on Earth are all the teachers, principal too, so super afraid of you?"
"That would be because I am really a werewolf."
It takes a second to register, then she laughs, "ok, so I'll avoid you during the Full Moon. Means resta the time you're ok. So, what do you make of that putrid comp assignment?"
I pull a face, "stuff will be the death of me. If you hear of me jumping off Ogden Point Breakwater, that'll be why."
Her smile says maybe we can be friends, "see you brought lunch today."
"And you too."
"Wanna try looking over this crap together at lunchtime?"
"Sure, why not? Won't hurt, might actually help."
I know she's in one of the richer buildings. Still, I doubt that will get in our way. We're both People of the Book and we both need someone.
(end of novella)

Caroline 4

When you are a child, some factors you are totally unaware of. Others, only vaguely so. It's later in life, looking back, you understand better.
To me Grandma's two bedroom condo is nice, roomy, not too old, a friendly building.
Only looking back do I realize a $200,000 condo in James Bay area makes you poor kid on the block. Yes there are still some older buildings, but they've largely given way to the super luxury crowd.
Still, Grandma has clear title. Between her late husband's portfolio, Old Age Security (universal after 65), Canada Pension Plan (contributory) and the Veterans Affairs allowance to cover me, she's doing ok.
The Wolners live in the land of luxury, the cheapest condo in their building going for over a million dollars, and they don't have the cheapest.
This helps to explain why Elaine's weekly allowance is generous and mine modest.
Still to clarify, I do not feel envy nor inferior in the material sense. My sense of inferiority comes from seeing her vastly greater knowledge of the world.
Stands to reason, Grandma is less well read and travelled, gets basic cable and one monthly publication only, Chatelaine.
Elaine's parents get super duper everything cable and probably 25 monthly periodicals.
So Elaine is more than just a friend, also a window on the world.
To be fair, she never once puts me down as poor.
Still, in her household I sense an undercurrent, which leads me to believe the parents have some large and stressing secret they aren't telling her.
Her Mum is a stockbroker. The mood of the times has changed from fast trades to buy and hold, causing her commissions to nosedive.
The Provincial Department of Health, facing up to the budgetary black hole, announces radical changes. These include a cap on how many visits a doctor can allow in a day. After all, they bill the Province per visit. Some of the them (though I rather doubt Dr Wolner) are guilty of churning.
Only in retrospect do I realize how loose the financial standards were. To write mortgages on 1% down strikes me as the superhighway to Perdition.
And, with incomes drastically reduced for both, the erstwhile friendly banker shows his teeth, as in foreclosure.
The news comes as a horrendous shock to Elaine. They will now be renting an apartment at Sidney, not too far from the Swartz Bay ferry terminal.
I groan aloud hearing this. I'd hoped they'd be closer in, so I could take the bus.
Sidney, forget it, Grandma owns neither car nor drivers license.
Meaning I only get to see her if they come pick me up.
Then it hits me, I'm part of the reason they wish to leave some distance. Her Dad knows and disapproves of my family background story. Reasoning that, if they have to move anyhow, they may as well get rid of me in the process.
As Elaine cries and I hug her, I feel like the world's biggest heel. How can I be so selfish? How can I think of myself and not my friend? I feel a hot sense of shame.

Caroline 3

Jennifer changes tone, "sorry, guess that came out wrong. Not proper to insult the dead. But still, if one more month had gone by, chances are both would still be alive."
"How did people at the base react?"
"Absolute tragedy. Both were quite well liked, despite the drug problem."
"Was one or both of them Jewish?"
Indulgent laugh, "I don't know where you get your ideas from. Neither was."
Elaine cuts in, "you mean neither were practising, right?"
Jennifer blushes, "I'm sorry, took that question wrong. I meant both were Atheist, strongly against any religion. But your question meant ethnic, not religious, right?"
I nod.
"Both were ethnic Jews."
"So Jews do drugs too?"
Jennifer shrugs, "you got a lot to learn yet. Any race, any religion, any occupation, no one is exempt."
"Well thank you for your advice. I'll ask you more later."
As Jennifer departs, Elaine shakes her head sadly, "we-ell if everyone on the base knows, that means every grownup Jew in Victoria does."
"How so?"
"Three or four businessmen have on base contracts. Don't like your odds of showing up for anything at the synagogue."
"Can you still be Jewish and never go to anything?"
"Dad would say yes, Mum no."
"And you - my friend - what do you say?"
"By now, we're close enough we stick together through anything. So, suppose they wouldn't let you go to a summer camp. I'd refuse to go too."
"Which would make your Dad proud for standing by principles so firmly and your Mum rather ticked, right?"
Proud smile, "now you see how much you've learned? That's exactly how it'd go."
After school, I'm over at Elaine's. Her Mum, who gets off work early, invites me to stay for dinner, so I phone Grandma in plenty of time.
I can smell what's coming from the kitchen, steel myself to face it.
As mushroom soup arrives, I see Elaine's eyes on me, concerned.
I shrug, what on earth can you do? Then I start to giggle. Elaine joins in and we're laughing like crazy.
After, her Mum, with a look of bafflement asks, "what was that all about?"
Elaine shrugs, "just a kid thing, grownups wouldn't understand."
Mum's look of bafflement contrasts sharply with Dad's knowing look. But then, that makes sense. It's businessmen who have those contracts. Meaning the item is on the men's gossip circuit, not the women's.

Caroline 2

At recess Elaine smiles, "so tell me, what's your full name?"
"Caroline Indira Karsch-Ramyar."
"My Dad says any of those double barrelled names, big ego conflict between husband and wife."
I blush, "I don't even know how to answer that. Spent the whole summer at Grandma's, don't remember the parents."
She pales, "not at all?"
"Nope."
"My Dad says means big family problems. So, start with your Grandma, she's the white one. Where are the East Indian relatives? You are obviously half and half."
"I don't know for sure, think it's Guyana."
And with that, Elaine wraps an arm round me, "makes no difference to me, might to some. We gotta stick together, we're the Jews. And yes, I already know there are Jews in India."
No point bluffing, better to be honest, "Elaine, what is a Jew?"
She groans loudly, then, "sorry, not groaning at you. Now you see, your parents obviously didn't want to talk about it. So, they'd have told Grandma, don't say any of that stuff. So, summer's over, where are they?"
"I don't know, Grandma got a lot of suspicious calls from the base."
Her face clouds, "grownups always lie. They ran away, left you stuck with Grandma. Know what you hafta do?"
"Yeah, be careful not to upset Grandma. If she gets tired of me, then what?"
"Good, now a little more detail."
"Don't cause trouble at school, do the work right. Don't whine about buying stuff, help out with chores."
Elaine grins, "see, smart already. Now I saw the look on the principal, she's scared to death of you. There's some huge story happened at the base. Just we don't know yet."
And so it goes. For all of Grade One and Two, Elaine is my best friend.
I have no problems with either school work or other kids.
I spend a lotta time at her house, learn from her parents.
And yet, life's big mystery remains unknowable.
Until the first day of Grade Three, when the universe unloads upon me.
Morning recess some kids are engaged in catching up. For Elaine and me, no need. With the exception of the week she was away with her parents, we were together - at least some - every single day.
A new face walks by, one of the big kids in Grade Six.
I see recognition on her, "so, this is where you hang out Caroline."
I blush, "truth is, your face rings a bell, but I can't say where."
"Over at the base, you were in kindergarten when I was in Grade Three. I'm Jennifer."
"Oh that explains it."
"So, they ever tell you the truth or just grownup lies?"
"I believe it's lies."
"Shouldn't we talk alone?"
"No, this here is Elaine, my best friend, we have no secrets from each other, she's helped me out a lot."
"Ok then, let's start. Ever heard of magic mushrooms?"
"No."
"Have you Elaine?"
"Yes it's a drug, grows wild all over the Island."
Jennifer turns back to me, "ever eat mushroom?"
"Sure, Grandma makes mushroom soup."
"Ok, so how do you know it's safe to eat? There are poisonous mushrooms."
"Because companies grow the good kind. Food inspectors check."
"Good, now let's say you were camping. If you didn't know the difference, you could eat the bad kind, right?"
"Yes."
"And if you didn't know the difference, you could even eat magic mushroom, thinking it was as safe as Grandma's soup, right?"
"Yes."
"When they found your parents' bodies, autopsy showed a huge amount of the drug. Caused them to go crazy, stab each other."
"For real?"
"Only one question left. Was it a one time accidental poisoning or was it a long history of drug abuse? Tests showed a long history."
"Oh."
"And then the Col took over, total whitewash. Media never heard. Everyone on the base knows."
"Oh."
"So whatever garbage they told you, forget it. They're dead."
"Why are you telling me Jennifer? You could just have walked by, pretended not to know me."
"Caroline, old mil tradition. Families stick together. Anything at all, just ask. Only, don't tell Grandma this."
I laugh uneasily, "yeah, see your point. Things would get worse if she had a heart attack."
Jennifer turns to go.
"Please don't go yet. I don't even know. Was one in or both? Rank and such."
"That Grandma of yours needs a kick. See they married when both were Cpl. Then later he's M/Cpl and she's Sgt. Lotsa fighting then. Stupid a**hole, he was on the list. Another month and he'd be Sgt. They'd be equal."
I groan aloud.

Caroline 1

I have met those who assert they can remember some events as early as age two or three. While I would never question the sincerity, I would wonder about the accuracy. This usually involves some major event, often with photos, which adults would talk of later.
So, how many memories are genuine and how many induced?
In turn, people consider the timing of my first memory a bit odd. Scant days before your sixth birthday is considered unusual, a sign of repressed memories.
It was late summer at my Grandma's place in Victoria. The parents had vanished for the entire summer, leaving me in her care.
I don't know what it was, but something told me Grandma was getting a lot of phone calls.
My very first memory is the phone ringing.
She answers, "oh yes Colonel, thank you so much for all your help. Wonderful how you people covered up."
Pause while Col speaks.
Grandma chuckles, "well yes, I guess the army wished to cover up just as much as the family. And no, I haven't told her yet, way too young to hear all that."
Pause.
"As a matter of fact Col, there is one thing you could do. She has to register for school here, yet the principal is hassling me."
Pause.
"Ok then, here's the name and phone number."
Minutes later, the phone rings. This time I'm near enough to hear a loud booming man's voice, one used to lots of authority.
Laugh, "she agreed to drop any embarrassing questions. The official line is both parents are deceased on a military misadventure, one kept from the media."
Grandma laughs, "sounds like implying they were spies."
"I never said that, though she might have thought it. And once I faxed over the form making you guardian should anything happen to them, she totally changed tone. She is now completely uncurious."
"Thank you so much Col."
"She agreed to do the registration on the spot. Simply take Caroline tomorrow morning. All she'll miss is the first day."
Next morning Grandma and I go into the principal's office.
She looks scared, "I've been giving some thought to Caroline's situation. Everyone else knows each other from kindergarten. Talked with the teacher, worked out a plan. There is only one other Jew in James Bay Elementary, in that same class. Teacher will put them together."
I wonder what a "Jew" is.
Grandma smiles, "thank you so much."
Uneasy smile, "just one thing missing, could you ah prevail upon the Col to fax over the vaccination form from the base?"
We arrive at the classroom a few minutes after they've started.
Teacher smiles ingratiatingly, "good morning Caroline."
"Good morning ma'am."
"Class, this is Caroline, come to join us after a last minute move. Come take this desk next to Elaine."
And then they resume attacking the alphabet.
It's recess time my education starts for real.